It's Been A While...

It’s been a while since my last post. And I can explain. It’s not you, it’s me. HA! I’ve always wanted to say that. But seriously to be totally honest with you I really haven’t felt like myself lately. And I won’t use this too much as a mind dump for all my problems because to be honest, no one really cares about other people’s issues, nor do they want to read about them. I don’t really want to call it a funk, and nothing bad has happened to cause me to completely drop off the face of the earth like I have lately. I tend to do that from time to time anyway. I will chalk it up to a complete change in my life and probably part of the process of getting over a long relationship. After the initial shock of ending that relationship, I got back to the regular gato negro, going out, being crazy and having fun again. What I will say is it’s good to be me again. But after about 4 months of "doing work" I started to think, ok what now? I had a life that was going one direction, and almost overnight it’s completely different. I was in a mindset that I was going to live in Tampa, work in my current job, and marry the person I was with. When I started to evaluate my life I realized that I had all the options in the world available to me because my former life was no more. A married friend of mine said to me, “You have a second chance at life that most people would kill for,” both a funny and true statement. And that’s the dilemma… I’ve always been very decisive with every decision I’ve ever made. I make a decision and go with it. But for some reason I’m not sure what to do. I’m trying to decide to stay here in Tampa or move back to NYC, if I stay here do I want to stay at my current job (which I have been miserable at lately)? I’m taking my time with the decision and it’ll hit me one day and I’ll run with it like I always do. I’m sure I’m not the only late twenty something who has or is going thru this. I think it’s pretty normal. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell myself. But anyway, on with the post, like I said no one really cares about other people’s problems, or maybe that’s just me, HA.

So what have I been up to lately?...

1)I took two weeks off of drinking. There were three reasons why. When I looked at the amount of money I had spent on alcohol the last few months I was blown away. I realized I could feed all the starving kids in Africa for a year on the amount I have spent at bars in 3 months. Not that I would feed children in Africa, I don’t care about kids in Africa. Survival of the fittest I say. I also needed to get going on my training program for my race in July. And then I also needed to clear my head so I could think about the aforementioned things that have been on my mind. It was both a great and horrible experience. I LOVE alcohol and more specifically craft beer. I wanted nothing more than to grab a dog fish head or something of similar taste and take down a few, or ten. It was a true test of my will power but I made it. The good part about it was my body felt absolutely great and it really helped me get on track with my training for the Boilermaker.

I’m up to running 8 miles now with a month and a half left until the race which is only a 15k so I’m looking to CRUSH IT! The other positive was the amount of money I was able to conserve in those 14 LONG days. I bought myself a tablet with those funds. To celebrate my 14 days of sobriety I went out Saturday night and got shit faced drunk and if I remember correctly, I think I danced a little bit at Mangroves. I can neither confirm nor deny this. I also vaguely remember hitting on a married woman. Again, I can neither confirm nor deny this act. Congratulations me!... Sunday was hell.

2)I really got into the show Mad Men. I have never watched it before but decided to pull it up on Netflix. It has quickly jumped into my top three favorite shows. That show makes me wish I was a young adult in the mid 60’s. It has a great story line and a lot of good looking women.

January Jones has also quickly moved into my top three hottest celebrity crushes. The other two being Marissa Miller and Eva Mendez. Those are three totally different styles of women but I’ve never really had a type to begin with. My only type I guess would be hot? Back to Mad Men… Beyond a great story line and hot women, the reason I like the show is the people. If they are correctly portraying the 60’s, men were real men, and women were women, as well as “HO’S FO SHO, I guess some things never change, HA. What I mean by that is that men in the show act like real men. They “suited up” for everything and they weren’t pussies. I wear a suit every day for work. I wouldn’t mind wearing them out everywhere if that was normal these days. It looks good. They didn’t bitch about things and worked hard. More people these days need that mentality. The women dressed up for everything. They wore dresses and were lady like. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a fit woman in yoga pants everywhere I go but at the same time there is something about a woman that is wearing professional attire or a nice dress that I can’t explain. Everyone is too informal these days. That’s one thing I like about going back to NYC. Wherever you go people are dressed in suits and professional attire like they just came from work, because they just came from work. The other thing that I found interesting about the show, was the amount of alcohol that is consumed, even at work. I would love to just take out a bottle of scotch and drink in the office, wait, I can and have done that. But not very often. And lastly there is a lot of hooking up in the show. That always makes for great television. Was it a requirement in the 60's to cheat on your wife? That part I think is a little exaggerated but what do I know, I wasnt born until 1983. Anyway, great show and I’d recommend it if you haven’t seen it.

There are a few other things but this post has gotten long enough as it is. With this weekend being a long weekend, I will for sure be getting after it and will probably have some stories to share. Sober me doesn’t have as many crazy things to share in my blog. So for the sake of keeping you entertained I will not take any hiatus’s from drinking anytime soon. Respek.

Dropping some knowledge that will blow your mind...

Since it’s been a while since my last post, I thought I would come back with a blog of real hardcore Gato Negro thoughts. I’ve had a few blogs lately that have been too serious in nature, you combine that with an extended hiatus from writing and I wouldn’t feel like myself unless I come back and piss someone off with some knowledge that I drop. In this case I will probably piss off a lot of single girls my age that read this. I don’t really care, build a bridge and get over it. This analogy came to me while drunk at some point this past weekend. No person or situation spurred this thought, it just came to me. That’s where a lot of my ridiculous thoughts are born, while drinking. I put these thoughts in note form in my phone so that I can elaborate upon them when I am sober, also I would probably forget them the next day if I didn’t. I hope no one ever finds my phone and reads my notes because they will have a lot of blog material. I sensor a lot of my thoughts as I deem them too inappropriate, most of those notes go unpublished and are used for my own entertainment. So today’s blog was one deemed inappropriate but I feel like posting it anyway. It's about single girls. This is not meant to describe every single girl out there. There are a handful of single girls who actually have themselves together and I applaud you. The ones that do have themselves together will probably not be offended by this but I have been wrong once or twice before. The ones that don’t, will think I’m a dick but that’s ok. So getting to my analogy….

Has your phone ever broken and you take it to the store of the carrier of your choosing, and they give you a refurbished phone as a replacement? Have you ever wanted to save a little bit of money so you buy a refurbished phone from said carrier instead of a new one? I’m sure some/most people have. I have broken a few phones in my day and the phone company replaced it with a refurbished phone. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am comparing late twenties single girls to refurbished cell phones.

I know this is probably pretty harsh but let me elaborate, it’s not all bad. And again I am not saying they are all like that but I have happened to come across some refurbished phones lately. So let me explain.
When your cell phone breaks, for whatever reason, whether it’s the phones faulty build (a girl with daddy issues) or your own fault and you break your phone (you screw up the relationship) you take the phone back to the store to get a new one. This is much like a break up. Whether it was your fault, hers, or a combination of both, you end the relationship (bring the phone back to the store). The cell phone carrier then tries to fix the phone with replacement parts or whatever but you have nothing to do with what they do (you lose contact with the girl). At this point a lot of single girls I know end up slutting it up for a while then try to put their broken life back together and find a new boyfriend. This is the part where the phone company fixes the phone. The phone carrier then tries to resell this phone and represent it as good as new, but deep down you know that’s not the case. The phone (the girl) then is resold or gets into another relationship. Everyone knows when they get a refurbished phone that at some point there will be issues with the phone. It’s not new, just looks the part. At some point the phone will probably break. This is much like females my age, they have baggage. The girls with baggage are refurbished phones that are new to you but really are some other guys throw away phone/girlfriend that will probably break at some point for reasons stated above (daddy issues or issues from previous relationships). When you find out about the defects in this new phone you decide to go back to the carrier for an upgrade, and you trade it in for a newer, better model of phone (a younger girl with less baggage). There are the occasional refurbished phones that were rebuilt just fine and last for a long time. These phones should be proud of themselves for putting themselves back together, much like some late twenties single girls. I once had a refurbished blackberry bold that was a great phone and lasted until my brother bought me an iPhone as a present for being his best man. That part is not an analogy, but it would be pretty sweet if I could have turned it into one. That was just a sweet gift. On second thought, that actually is an anology. I am saying there are some nice normal single girls my age, just a little harder to find. You usually find these phones/girls through mutual acquantainces like family or friends. BOOM, I just made that an analogy!

This phenominon is not entirely the girls fault. Maybe their parents didn't hug them enough as a kid? This is my explaination for a lot of what is wrong with people. Maybe they dated a bunch of jerks that treated them like shit or cheated on them? Well that part is partially their own fault for dating multiple jerks but I can partially justify their actions if this has happened. What I'm getting at is that it is not entirely the females fault she has baggage. What you have to do is find a refurbished phone that was rebuilt nicely and you can deal with the little quirks of the phone. Or just buy a newer phone, the choice is yours.
If this offends anyone, I’m sorry that I’m not sorry. These are the thoughts that come into my brain while I drink. I do not choose to have them. They choose me.

The one that got away... A lesson in what you shouldn't say to the girl you've had a crush on for four years.

Believe it or not, there have been times where I have failed with the ladies. For some of you who knew me in college, you might not believe it since there was a new girl at my house about once a week. But even at the peak of my career of “slaying biddies,” as we use to say, I would fail from time to time. I am waaaaay off my game now and am trying like hell to regain the form I had between 2002 -2006. 2006 in particular was probably the prime of my career with women. I can honestly say I was in the zone, and anyone from the UCREW can vouch for that. I put on a clinic. These days that is not the case, but I’m getting there. I will blame this lack of game on being in a four year relationship and not having many single friends left these days. Damn you all for getting married/having a serious relationship (who does that?). I am not too proud to say that I have some work to do. But even when I was on top of my game, God decided to remind me that I was human by allowing me to destroy any chance I had with the girl of my dreams, we’ll call her “Honey”. I will tell the story of the one who got away. This is not a particular flattering story. It is quite embarrassing but it is a great story that gets retold many times by my friends because, as I said, it is a great story and it is particularly hurtful to me. We love telling stories that bruise each other’s egos. Even six years later I hate myself for blowing my chance with “Honey”. HA!

“Honey” is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in person, in my life, at least in my opinion. She was on some sort of dance team (not a stripper) so she was always in great shape, very athletic and toned. I have come to realize I am a big fan of an athletic female. She was maybe about 5’8” blonde hair, girl next door look, which is also my thing. Anyway I met her freshmen year at some party. Throughout my college career I’d talk to her a little bit at parties in passing. I played beer pong against her a few times as she was the roommate of one of my buddy’s girlfriends for a year. We never had any profound interaction other than simple conversations here or there but I liked her outgoing personality and she was absolutely smoking. For some reason I could never muster up the courage to speak to this girl. I had no problem speaking to any other girls but for some reason I was so taken by “Honey” that I would never approach her and try my luck. She was a Long Island girl so she had a little bit of attitude to go with her overall outgoing personality. I have always loved that little edge that Long Island girls bring to the table. That is one thing that you don’t get in Tampa. The girls with attitude here just have overall bad attitudes. Long Island girls know how to party, are a lot of fun overall but have just enough edge and whit to keep you on your toes. Long story short our interaction was minimal but all my buddies knew I had a huge thing for this girl and would always give me a heads up if she was around.

It’s maybe February of my senior year at Albany. The senior tour had not quite started but all my friends knew our days at Albany were numbered so we were always out at the bars. So we are at the infamous Michaels in Albany on a Friday night. We were all pretty plastered as we always were but not out of control drunk yet. I obviously get the heads up from my friends that “Honey” was in the building. But like always when it came to this girl I was being a huge pussy. Sometime in the middle of the night it was my turn to buy a round. All my buddies stayed where we were hanging out toward the back half of the bar near the dance floor. I ran to the front to where the bar was located and ordered us drinks. I’m waiting at the bar when I see “Honey” staring at me from about 10 feet away against the wall. I smile but like I said before I was terrified to approach this girl. I have no clue why this girl got in my head. We had similar personalities so the world might have exploded if we had ever gotten together. That’s how I will justify not talking to her. I didn’t want the world to end… Anyway I’m alone at the bar, she’s alone about 10 feet away. Much to my surprise she approaches me. In my drunken state I was in no condition to work my magic, you couple that with the fact that I could never work up the courage to approach this girl and you have a recipe for disaster. Right then and there I thought my heart was about to jump through my chest. She grabs my arm, which took me even further by surprise, and says to me “Hey Uli! What’s up? You look good tonight.” This girl just made my year and she doesn’t even know it. I was in heaven. But then I said the least smooth thing that has ever come out of my mouth. I say back to her, “You know my name?" I doubt very much you could think of a worse thing to say at that very moment. I must have sounded like the biggest idiot. I am haunted by that statement to this day. I am going to blame this on the alcohol and the shock that she actually approached me. The look on her face was priceless. Total disbelieve comes across her faces as she says, “UH- yeeeeeeaaaaaah.” While simultaneously letting go of my arm and walking away. I’m standing there in utter shock. I just blew the best opportunity I’ve ever had with this girl. She approached me, initiated contact and that is what comes out of my mouth. YOU KNOW MY NAME?! I just stand there dejected. I finally turn around, pay for our drinks and head back to my friends. While I was waiting for our drinks she approaches one of my buddies and says to him “What the hell is wrong with Uli?” He has no clue what she is talking about so she goes back to her friends. I push through the crowd with my Bud Light bottles and get back to my friends. They ask me, “What the hell did you say to “Honey”? She just came over here really confused.” I tell them the story and they just about fell over laughing at me. I begrudgingly hung out the rest of the night, dejected. I never spoke to “Honey” again even though I did see her out many more times and at a few parties before I graduated.

This is obviously not the highlight of my college career but it’s a pretty funny story that a buddy of mine brought up on the phone the other day. It is a lesson that no matter how on top of your game you are, no one is invincible. I however am scarred by this experience. Some of my friends would keep me informed as to her whereabouts from time to time as they knew this was a form of torture for me. “Honey” went on to dance for a couple of professional sports teams and I’ve recently learned that she got married not too long ago and is a personal trainer. Again friends have kept me informed to torture me. I obviously kid about being tortured still by the experience. It’s more of a joke among my friends than anything else. It’s kind of funny to think about now. I’m sure I’m not the only guy to say something stupid to a girl they liked but I’m not sure there is a worse story of blowing an opportunity with that girl. I hope this is a lesson to everyone out there on what not to say to the girl you’ve had a crush on for four years.